Someone to catch my drift

4:15AM

I don't know if anyone is still following me on here, probably better if they're not.

In times of uncertainty, I have trouble sleeping and this is no different. I'm out back, smoking a cigarette and listening to some Nina Simone tracks my dad copied off vinyl and e-mailed to me. An unexpected gift at an unexpected time, and perfect for the moment.

I'm not sure how much longer I'll have my current job. I know I haven't wanted to have it for more than a couple of years, but times got tougher and other prospects looked bleak. No matter how bleak, I need to head out and see what's available. Monster.com is showing an error tonight as I try to log in.

6:28PM

Fell asleep the other night at seven. Woke up at nine-thirty and someone was mad at me for something I did while I was sleeping. Continued to be mad at me after I gave my excuse ("I was sleeping."). Clearly, this is not the life I chose.

Woke up this morning to boy cat standing on my throat and purring in my face. He was facing me, so at least I didn't have to worry about boy cat balls. It was five am, and I would have gone back to sleep, but boy cat felt the need to maneuver around my head and purr for about half an hour. By then I had to pee.

Waking up isn't working out so well for me.

Quit smoking. Again. I realized that most of the anti-tobacco advertisements are made for non-smokers. Probably by non-smokers. I give proper credit to the one featuring a guy pouring coffee over his head, as it actually addresses a concern many smokers do have. Not pouring coffee over our heads, we're not idiots. But rather how to do things we did with cigarettes, only without.

Anyway, going to go watch The Bucket List. It's the last of the movies Hearin and I were planning to go see together in the theater. Maybe there was another Jack Black one I'm forgetting (not Be Kind, Rewind but the other one. Anybody?). It also stars Morgan Freeman, which is one of Frances' favorite men. So, that provides some fun imagery to fall back on in case the movie sucks.

10:44PM - page five was hot today with the cultural references.

10:00PM

see more crazy cat pics

9:17AM - RIP

I've got five words for you: you will be missed, sir!

7:43PM - Our Blog is and awesome Blog.

The first time I ever told anyone I didn’t believe in God, I got slapped. Admittedly, I probably told the wrong person. I had just written a paper for a first year philosophy course about God being a creation of mankind rather than the other way around, because the argument was easier to make and while I was writing the paper, I realized that I actually believed what I was writing, in spite of a decade or more of self-induced Lutheranism.

There were a few accusations thrown at me this morning, from what I thought was an innocuous conversation about a potential career decision of mine. The conversation quickly spiraled out of control. Today, I am facing these accusations publically, because they are common. For the most part. Also, hopefully by addressing them, I can start a rational conversation with anyone who wants to discuss atheism or theism.

First, I don’t hate religion. As I said previously, I used to be Lutheran was so deep into it that I was considering the ministry as a viable career option. I had a talent for it and was encouraged by my congregation. I taught Sunday School and ran the youth group. I think the first steps I took towards atheism were at the Lutheran Theological Southern Seminary where I was chosen to go by my pastor and the bishop (like a Regional Manager) to attend a program for would-be Lutheran ministers. It was there that issues were raised that no one in my church or congregation had ever spoken of or, as far as I knew, thought of. These issues, as questions, led to more questions. And those to more. Until I realized that the Bible and the World were not compatible. You had to choose one or the other. At least when you ask the questions. The world seemed as unquestionable to me as many people’s faith seems to them. It’s reality. You can’t bend it. But simple, biblical things just didn’t flesh out in the real world. The Bible clearly states “ask and you shall receive.” But I’d never had a prayer answered. God’s mysterious nature was a problem because the Bible didn’t seem all that mysterious at all. But do I hate religion? No. I think there is no better or more concise rule for interacting with people than “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” I’m also very, very interested in several Zen Buddhist teachings. But just because parts of the religion do work in the real world doesn’t mean that I accept all of the religion. Especially not the bad parts.

I also don’t hate Christmas. I don’t know anyone who does. Even when Bill O’Reilly either pointed out or sparked a war on Christmas a few years ago, when Walmart greeters were encouraged to suggest to people coming to that great temple of commerce that they should enjoy an entire season of holidays instead of just one I was gladly and happily suggesting that everyone should have a “Merry Christmas.” At least those people that I knew celebrated it. If I knew otherwise, I would wish them a good time at whatever winter holiday they celebrate. I have also never been one to complain that Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier every year. It’s just a happy time of year. I wish it was year round. I really do. It’s kind of sad that we don’t take time to decorate our homes and businesses and streets in a festive manner for twelve months. Or have a good meal and spend time with our families and friends 365 days in a row. Or give gifts to show how much we appreciate people all the time instead of the one or two times we feel prodded into it by a birthday every year. I don’t think being nice to people because “‘tis the season” should be limited to any season. I love Christmas. Santa’s a little weird. But then again, he’s another Christian creation for the holiday, designed after the patron saint of children, sailors, fishermen, the falsely accused, pawnbrokers, prostitutes, and repentant thieves. This last one is hilarious if you think of it in terms of an unshaven man entering your house through the chimney with a sack over his shoulder. But I still love Santa. He makes me chuckle with glee. And I don’t stop there. I love the Pagan iconography left over from when the Church usurped a couple of winter holidays, even if these things are misinterpreted as the “secular” side of the holiday. Like Christmas trees. Love them. I imagine I’d love them more if I lived somewhere where it snowed, being as they were originally meant to symbolize eternal life and the power of nature to overcome long, harsh winters. But I don’t hate Christmas. I hate that people are toning down how much Christmas they throw out there. I’m not trying to stop Macy’s parades. I’m not trying to make anyone stop wishing anyone else a “merry” anything. Happy Saturday, by the way, folks.

In the same vein, I’m not against the Ten Commandments being represented in courthouses. I do think they’re a little quaint and dated. I also think the Ten Commandments are a little racist. At least, in intention. “Thou shall not murder,” I’ve been told, used to be “thou shall not murder Jews” until we got around to Christianity. I see representations of the Ten Commandments in the courthouse the same way I see the statue of the Roman Lady Justice in the same building. Just another stone monument to an archaic way of thinking. A symbol if you will. I think it would look less cluttered and be more all-encompassing to just paste the words “do as you would expect” and move on.

I also do not push my beliefs on others. However, I don’t hide my beliefs, either. I don’t think I’d be a part of an organization that does either of those. Pushing beliefs on other people is for the religious (I applaud the JW’s for being one of the only Christian organizations I know that doesn’t ignore this part of the Bible, no matter how misguided they may otherwise be). It’s simply not my job to push my beliefs on other people. I do, however, think that religion inherently causes more harm than good. I am, also, a citizen of the world, and, as such, find it my moral responsibility to reduce suffering and to do no harm. So, yeah. I’d like a job that allowed me to use my many talents to raise awareness of something I am certain would both do no harm and reduce suffering. I’m not foolish enough to think that I, or the collective of my fellow atheists together, could end religion on the planet. Or make it a perfect place. But I think most of us live by the “do as you would expect” rule and hope that we can at least leave the world a little better than we came into it. I’m just trying to figure out what I can do to help.

I’m going to leave you now with an essay by Penn Jillette, one half of the heavy man and mime show that is Penn and Teller (he’s the heavy man half). It is a personal essay on his personal beliefs, but I think it’s fairly reflective of how I feel in general towards life and religion and also representative of the feelings of the few fellow atheists I’ve met. It was written/recorded for NPR’s “This I Believe” Series.

There Is No God

by Penn Jillette

I believe that there is no God. I'm beyond atheism. Atheism is not believing in God. Not believing in God is easy -- you can't prove a negative, so there's no work to do. You can't prove that there isn't an elephant inside the trunk of my car. You sure? How about now? Maybe he was just hiding before. Check again. Did I mention that my personal heartfelt definition of the word "elephant" includes mystery, order, goodness, love and a spare tire?

So, anyone with a love for truth outside of herself has to start with no belief in God and then look for evidence of God. She needs to search for some objective evidence of a supernatural power. All the people I write e-mails to often are still stuck at this searching stage. The atheism part is easy.

But, this "This I Believe" thing seems to demand something more personal, some leap of faith that helps one see life's big picture, some rules to live by. So, I'm saying, "This I believe: I believe there is no God."

Having taken that step, it informs every moment of my life. I'm not greedy. I have love, blue skies, rainbows and Hallmark cards, and that has to be enough. It has to be enough, but it's everything in the world and everything in the world is plenty for me. It seems just rude to beg the invisible for more. Just the love of my family that raised me and the family I'm raising now is enough that I don't need heaven. I won the huge genetic lottery and I get joy every day.

Believing there's no God means I can't really be forgiven except by kindness and faulty memories. That's good; it makes me want to be more thoughtful. I have to try to treat people right the first time around.

Believing there's no God stops me from being solipsistic. I can read ideas from all different people from all different cultures. Without God, we can agree on reality, and I can keep learning where I'm wrong. We can all keep adjusting, so we can really communicate. I don't travel in circles where people say, "I have faith, I believe this in my heart and nothing you can say or do can shake my faith." That's just a long-winded religious way to say, "shut up," or another two words that the FCC likes less. But all obscenity is less insulting than, "How I was brought up and my imaginary friend means more to me than anything you can ever say or do." So, believing there is no God lets me be proven wrong and that's always fun. It means I'm learning something.

Believing there is no God means the suffering I've seen in my family, and indeed all the suffering in the world, isn't caused by an omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent force that isn't bothered to help or is just testing us, but rather something we all may be able to help others with in the future. No God means the possibility of less suffering in the future.

Believing there is no God gives me more room for belief in family, people, love, truth, beauty, sex, Jell-O and all the other things I can prove and that make this life the best life I will ever have.

5:42PM

8:21PM - my new favorite banner ad

10:20PM - that's gay.

Me (10:17:14 PM): Sorry.
Me (10:17:26 PM): Ida's on some fucking off the wall version of AIM that doesn't do chat.
Peter (10:18:06 PM): What a weirdo.
Me (10:18:24 PM): she said it's called GAIM?
Peter (10:18:35 PM): Gay AIM?



Two minutes prior:

Ida (10:16:43 PM): I am on GAIM
Me (10:16:51 PM): Gay AIM?

8:25PM - Real quickly, before anyone else asks me about my votes...

I'm not registered to vote anymore.

Blame the system, I do.

I've got my evacuation plan if things get too bad.

6:52PM

9:29PM - We are far too young and clever; the best of Peter and I in the last year.

1/16/07

deaddogseye81:	One thing I dig about work: Me: Yeah. I feel kind of funky. I haven't brushed my hair at all in two days, it hasn't been washed in nearly two weeks, and I haven't showered since yesterday. Veronica: I haven't showered or washed either. Me: Show of hands. Who's dirty? Six girls raise their hands.
Gatman818:	Dirty girls.
Gatman818:	Awesome.
deaddogseye81:	Hot

deaddogseye81:	I'm going to go watch Crank now.
Gatman818:	Okay.
Gatman818:	First time?
deaddogseye81:	Yes.
Gatman818:	Awesome!
Gatman818:	Spoiler: He is Tyler Durden.

1/23/07

deaddogseye81:	Have you ever yawned during sex?
Gatman818:	No.
Gatman818:	Maybe.
Gatman818:	I did get caught watching Breakfast at Tiffany's once.
deaddogseye81:	Haha
deaddogseye81:	I got caught watching Beavis and Butthead
Gatman818:	Shame, shame.

1/25/07

deaddogseye81:	How does one go about selling a kidney?
Gatman818:	Go to the black market.
Gatman818:	It's somewhere off the OBT.
deaddogseye81:	I'll check the yellow pages.
Gatman818:	We are far too young and clever and things won't ever change.
deaddogseye81:	Too ra, loo ra

2/11/07

deaddogseye81:	My manager is known to be favorable towards men. I'm applying for a supervisor position. How can I exploit this?
Gatman818:	Rip the sleeves off your tees.
deaddogseye81:	Haha
deaddogseye81:	I was thinking of just letting my penis hang out during the interview, but that sounds better.
Gatman818:	Maybe a leather vest?
deaddogseye81:	Too much.
Gatman818:	Too, too manly
deaddogseye81:	Remember, this is Whole Foods. These are tree-hugging chicks.

2/13/07

Gatman818:	From the book I'm reading: Daisy was starting to feel like the kind of cop you only ever see in movies: tough, hard-bitten, and perfectly ready to buck the system; the kind of cop who wants to know whether or not you feel lucky or if you're interested in making his day, and particularly the kind of cop who says "I'm getting too old for this shit." She was twenty-six years old, and she wanted to tell pepole she was too old for this shit. She was quite aware of how ridiculous this was, thank you very much.
deaddogseye81:	Did Shane Black write it?
Gatman818:	Neil Gaiman.
Gatman818:	He's often referred to as the British Shane Black.
Gatman818:	That's not true.
Gatman818:	The washing machine is rocking to the beat of "Can't Stand Losing You" by the Police.
Gatman818:	That is true.

2/20/07

deaddogseye81:	Slither is good too.
Gatman818:	I'm scared of it.
deaddogseye81:	Starts off slow, gradually gets more absurd. It's funny.
Gatman818:	Like when I tried to play RE4.
deaddogseye81:	It's scary in a Shaun of the Dead kind of way.
deaddogseye81:	Stop whining.
Gatman818:	Really?
Gatman818:	See, that's what I was waiting to hear.
deaddogseye81:	It doesn't take itself seriously.
deaddogseye81:	You want scary? Rent Marie Antoinette and see how skinny Kirsten has gotten.

3/11/07

deaddogseye81:	Martinis tonight?
Gatman818:	Heinies.
Gatman818:	At a draft house.
Gatman818:	That's an away message from my last martini party, though.
deaddogseye81:	Apparently Jared Leto came into my store this evening.
deaddogseye81:	On my day off.
Gatman818:	Asshole.
Gatman818:	I'll kill him for you if you want me to.  But tomorrow.
Gatman818:	After work.
deaddogseye81:	Acting-good, music-bad
deaddogseye81:	I have no hate.

3/18/07

deaddogseye81:	I want "Under Pressure" to play during the realization scene in the movie of my life.
Gatman818:	Noted.
deaddogseye81:	Akon = The next Dylan?

3/19/07

Gatman818:	I'm going to go in early tomorrow in the hopes that I can get out early and go pay my traffic fine.
deaddogseye81:	Fine?
deaddogseye81:	What'd you do?
Gatman818:	70 in a 40.
deaddogseye81:	Awesome
Gatman818:	I was doing maybe 60, maybe, but I pled no contest.
Gatman818:	Cause who the fuck bothers to argue in traffic court?
deaddogseye81:	Ethnic people.
Gatman818:	"Yes, your honor.  Of course you should hold me in contempt of court.  Cause, where's the fucking jury?"
Gatman818:	Oh, yeah.  That's right.  There's not a jury anywhere ever that would side with a cop in a traffic matter.
Gatman818:	Dirty liars rig the system.
Gatman818:	Okay. Sleep.
Gatman818:	While I'm good and bitter.
deaddogseye81:	Later

4/12/07

deaddogseye81:	Vonnegut's dead.
Gatman818:	I am online, but may be away from my computer right now.
5:55 AM
Gatman818:	So it goes.

4/21/07

deaddogseye81:	Chalk up another legendary point for me
deaddogseye81:	I led an entire line full of customers with a singalong of Taylor Dayne's "Tell It To My Heart"
Gatman818:	Right on.

5/2/07

Gatman818:	Would you say that it was Joan's quizzical nature, or Maxwell's insanity that caused her death?
Gatman818:	I'd like to know if it's a tragedy or not.
deaddogseye81:	Hold on. Let me listen again.
deaddogseye81:	Maxwell's insanity.
deaddogseye81:	Just because Joan goes out to the picture with Maxwell does not mean she's quizzical.
Gatman818:	And I can understand the other deaths...but why Joan?
Gatman818:	Maybe she had him figured out?
Gatman818:	But then, why would she go to the movies with him?
deaddogseye81:	Perhaps she was attracted to his insanity
Gatman818:	Crazy guys get all the chicks.
Gatman818:	Sometimes I try and pick a favorite Beatles album.
Gatman818:	I can't do it.
deaddogseye81:	I can't either. My mix cd is my favorite Beatles album.
deaddogseye81:	My usual answer is Magical Mystery Tour or The White Album.
Gatman818:	I'm digging Rubber Soul tonight.
Gatman818:	Or, The Emo Album.
Gatman818:	I want to be the guy who hangs himself with "You Won't See Me" on repeat.
Gatman818:	How disturbing would that be in a movie?
deaddogseye81:	I would laugh.
deaddogseye81:	Someone should have a sex scene set to Come Together.
Gatman818:	I'm Looking Through You in an Invisible Man montage.
deaddogseye81:	A trailer for The Queen set to Her Majesty
deaddogseye81:	More like a teaser
Gatman818:	Run For Your Life, 28 Weeks Later.
deaddogseye81:	Passion of the Christ, Think For Yourself
Gatman818:	Haha.
deaddogseye81:	Hail to the Chief replaced with The Fool on the Hill
Gatman818:	Eh. That song's too deep for this administration.
deaddogseye81:	How about Funkytown?
Gatman818:	X-Men, With a Little Help From My Friends.
deaddogseye81:	Fast and the Furious, Drive My Car
Gatman818:	Ouch.
deaddogseye81:	Lost in Translation, I Saw Her Standing There
Gatman818:	Girl, Streetcar Named Desire.
deaddogseye81:	Cast Away, Help
deaddogseye81:	Brokeback Mountain, You've Got To Hide Your Love Away
Gatman818:	Too good.
Gatman818:	Crimson Tide, Yellow Submarine?
deaddogseye81:	Works
deaddogseye81:	Boogie Nights, Long Long Long
Gatman818:	Haha.
deaddogseye81:	Happiness Is A Warm Gun, any movie concerning suicide
Gatman818:	The Long and Winding Road in a Wizard of Oz trailer.
deaddogseye81:	All You Need Is Love, Triumph of the Will
Gatman818:	Get Back, any movie about someone going home again after a long time.
deaddogseye81:	I'm Only Sleeping, any movie where the "surprise" ending is that it was all a dream.
Gatman818:	Give everything away in the trailer?
Gatman818:	I like it.
deaddogseye81:	Haha
deaddogseye81:	Pumping Iron, Carry That Weight
Gatman818:	Dream movies and episodes can lick my balls.
deaddogseye81:	I agree.
Gatman818:	I let House do it twice...
deaddogseye81:	I let House get away with a lot of annoying formulaic cliches.
deaddogseye81:	I don't care. I still adore the character.
Gatman818:	Orlando Bloom, Act Naturally.
deaddogseye81:	Haha
Gatman818:	I wish I had some good video editing software.
Gatman818:	That's a montage I'd like to make.
deaddogseye81:	I could try something in Windows Media
deaddogseye81:	But I'm going to have to get good and drunk to start sifting through Orlando Bloom clips.
Gatman818:	Romeo and Juliet, It's Only Love
deaddogseye81:	Fatal Attraction, You Like Me Too Much
Gatman818:	Ticket to Ride, Derailed.
deaddogseye81:	Schindler's List, Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da
Gatman818:	Too soon, too soon.
Gatman818:	I'm glad I wasn't sipping on something just then.
Gatman818:	Might've needed a new moniter.
deaddogseye81:	United 93, Flying
deaddogseye81:	I'm going to hell.
deaddogseye81:	Or Wal-Mart.
deaddogseye81:	I'll be back.

deaddogseye81:	Indiana Jones 4, Let It Be
deaddogseye81:	World Trade Center, We Can Work It Out
deaddogseye81:	I'm running dry.
deaddogseye81:	Edward Scissorhands, I Want To Hold Your Hand

5/10/07

deaddogseye81:	Howdy
Gatman818:	What's up?
deaddogseye81:	Relearning digital editing
deaddogseye81:	I want to make this Orlando Bloom "Act Naturally" clip happen.
Gatman818:	I'm going to drink to that.
Gatman818:	Well, I was really just looking for a reason to drink.  And it was going to be you relearning digital editing cause I'm a cheap drunk.
Gatman818:	But then you pull through with a better reason.
deaddogseye81:	I'll join you for this toast.

5/14/08

deaddogseye81:	Did you see Spiderman 3?
Gatman818:	Yeah.
deaddogseye81:	Thoughts?
Gatman818:	It's sad to see something with such potential be killed by a bad script.
deaddogseye81:	Structurally, it was a mess.
deaddogseye81:	Too many coincidences
Gatman818:	"And...I'm dating your daughter."
deaddogseye81:	The scene in the alley where Sandman and Venom meet? Come the fuck on.
deaddogseye81:	I loved the emo Peter scenes.
Gatman818:	Not to mention, they had a major fucking villian origin two hours into the film.
deaddogseye81:	They should've just saved Venom for the next one.
deaddogseye81:	Aren't they planning on making more? Who the hell is left? Mysterio?
deaddogseye81:	The musical bit had me grinning.
deaddogseye81:	And Thomas Haden Church was great, even if he did forget about his daughter by the end of the movie.
Gatman818:	Mysterio.
Gatman818:	Rhino.
Gatman818:	Hobgoblin.
Gatman818:	Vulture. Shocker. Kraven.
Gatman818:	Doc Connors still needs to turn into the lizard.
Gatman818:	Carnage.
deaddogseye81:	Lizard and Mysterio could make a cool movie. The rest of them would be going into Batman & Robin territory.
Gatman818:	Ulitimate Spiderman did a good job with Kraven.
Gatman818:	I was a little sick at the end when James Franco was fighting alongside Spidey.
Gatman818:	That's the kind of thing you can't take back.
Gatman818:	Like Robocop flying.
deaddogseye81:	Their fight at the beginning was my favorite action sequence in the movie.
Gatman818:	It lacked the scope of the others before it.
Gatman818:	The great responsibility angle in the first one, the "hero in all of us" in the second.
deaddogseye81:	Jared just wandered in and chastized us for intelluctializing Spiderman movies.

5/17/07

deaddogseye81:	What I want to know is, why does it seem that so many people in our age group have been trying to commit suicide lately?
deaddogseye81:	A priceless exchange, "Oh you had a suicide attempt too? Word! Me too!"
Gatman818:	Not enough disco.
deaddogseye81:	Not enough cowbell?
Gatman818:	Tomato...tomato.
Gatman818:	That's not as effective when written.

Gatman818:	People who speak portugese love my blog.
deaddogseye81:	Interesting.
Gatman818:	I've got a map on it.
Gatman818:	It shows at least two hits in Brazil and one in Portugal.
Gatman818:	And someone's reading it, because I got a comment.
deaddogseye81:	How do you do that?
Gatman818:	It's a blogspot thing.
Gatman818:	Clustermaps or something.
Gatman818:	I don't know that you can do it anywhere else.
Gatman818:	quartershort.blogspot.com
Gatman818:	Go check the map. See if it's good elsewhere.
Gatman818:	Not the star map! The other one.
deaddogseye81:	Indonesia too, apparently.
deaddogseye81:	Interesting.
Gatman818:	Is that Indonesia.
Gatman818:	I can stop calling it "somewhere in Asia" now.

Gatman818:	Dear god.
Gatman818:	Dennis Hopper's giving me retirement advice on the tv while I'm reading htat.
Gatman818:	Do I need more proof that reality isn't real.

5/22/07

deaddogseye81:	Asked my boss on a date today.
deaddogseye81:	"Peter, I like you, and I know you like me, but we really can't because of our work"
deaddogseye81:	"You bitch!"
Gatman818:	Did you say that?
deaddogseye81:	Yes
Gatman818:	Lots of people call you lots of things.
Gatman818:	I call you "Hero."
deaddogseye81:	Haha
deaddogseye81:	I will be persistent in this matter.
deaddogseye81:	I like her.
Gatman818:	"That's cool. I'm quitting."
deaddogseye81:	"How about I quit after work each day, and you rehire me 5/6 days a week? We can make this work"
deaddogseye81:	"It'll be a lot of paperwork, but our love knows no boundaries"
Gatman818:	"WE CAN MAKE THIS WORK!"
Gatman818:	"The band's gonna make it!"
Gatman818:	You called her a bitch.
Gatman818:	I'm going to adopt that attitude.
deaddogseye81:	It's served me well.
deaddogseye81:	Someone in southern California is reading my Project Stallone blog.
Gatman818:	Stallone.
deaddogseye81:	Has to be.

06/07/07

Gatman818 (9:32:25 PM):	how do dates work?
deaddogseye81 (9:32:40 PM):	You go out, you talk.
deaddogseye81 (9:33:25 PM):	If all goes well, you get laid. If not, you lose fifty bucks.
Gatman818 (9:35:37 PM):	sounds easy enough

Gatman818 (11:31:42 PM):	If I was a serial killer, I'd be Mickey and Mallory.
deaddogseye81 (11:32:03 PM):	I'd be Lecter.
deaddogseye81 (11:32:44 PM):	Actually, no.
deaddogseye81 (11:32:49 PM):	I'd rather be Freddy.
Gatman818 (11:33:05 PM):	More tits.
deaddogseye81 (11:33:15 PM):	I'd want to get creative with the way I kill people and be able to crack one-liners while doing so.
Gatman818 (11:33:23 PM):	And...more tits.
deaddogseye81 (11:33:30 PM):	And more tits.

06/18/07

Gatman818 (9:50:43 PM):	Try: editing IMs.  Did you really mean that apostrophe in "writer's"?
deaddogseye81 (9:50:47 PM):	I am online, but may be away from my computer right now.
deaddogseye81 (10:56:42 PM):	No I didn't.
deaddogseye81 (10:56:48 PM):	Don't have to be a dick about it.
deaddogseye81 went idle at 11:09:32 PM
Gatman818 (11:09:45 PM):	It's all I've got!

MICHAEL DISAPPEARS FOR SIX MONTHS.

12/10/07

deaddogseye81 (10:32:06 PM):	Dogs cross breeding seems to be a running theme in my journal around the holidays. Analyze that.
gatman818 (10:35:30 PM):	Um, it's funny as shit. Analyzing things is for people that want behaviors to stopl
deaddogseye81 (10:36:14 PM):	You're the Mick to my Rocky.

12/27/07

deaddogseye81 (8:58:19 PM):	Why do you wish you were an ewok?
gatman818 (9:00:32 PM):	Cause people always think they're cute, but deep down they have a very extensive culture.
gatman818 (9:00:52 PM):	I just think it would be nice to be just who I am, but have people expect almost nothing from me.
deaddogseye81 (9:01:22 PM):	Fair enough.
gatman818 (9:01:57 PM):	I don't think I'd even tie most people up.
gatman818 (9:02:16 PM):	I'd just let them think I was a cutesy, cuddly creature and then move on.
deaddogseye81 (9:02:41 PM):	No rock throwing?
gatman818 (9:02:53 PM):	oh, i'd throw rocks.
gatman818 (9:02:58 PM):	poo, too. probably.

1/6/08

gatman818 (10:31:28 PM):	I think I have a bit of a man crush on Obama.
deaddogseye81 (10:32:18 PM):	I thought you had a hard on for Ron Paul.
gatman818 (10:33:05 PM):	Oh, Ron still has my vote.
gatman818 (10:33:28 PM):	Everytime I hear Obama speak or see him on the tv, I get kind of giggly inside.
deaddogseye81 (10:34:18 PM):	Why's that?
gatman818 (10:34:29 PM):	I don't know.
gatman818 (10:34:33 PM):	Man crush.
gatman818 (10:34:38 PM):	Hate it.
deaddogseye81 (10:34:42 PM):	Fair enough.
deaddogseye81 (10:35:09 PM):	Perhaps that's why Edwards has my vote. Can't resist that smile and southern charm.
deaddogseye81 (10:35:45 PM):	He's like a PG-13, straight to video Clinton.
gatman818 (10:36:20 PM):	I never watch anything straight-to-video!
deaddogseye81 (10:36:42 PM):	Lies!
deaddogseye81 (10:37:19 PM):	Voting for Edwards would be like voting for Glory Daze.
gatman818 (10:37:31 PM):	That opened to limited release!
gatman818 (10:37:34 PM):	Didn't it?
deaddogseye81 (10:37:41 PM):	I don't know.
gatman818 (10:37:43 PM):	Didn't it?
deaddogseye81 (10:38:04 PM):	Maybe it had a premiere somewhere.
deaddogseye81 (10:39:40 PM):	Even still, its goodness was discovered by all the right people, just like John Edwards. Sadly, Glory Daze/Edwards may never be Oscar/President material, but it's nice to dream, isn't it?
gatman818 (10:39:59 PM):	Word.
gatman818 (10:40:27 PM):	Hell, if Obama picks him, I'll vote for them.

1/13/08

deaddogseye81 (6:17:41 PM):	Shoot Em up is the best action movie of the 00s
gatman818 (6:17:50 PM):	Amen brother!
gatman818 (6:18:08 PM):	Saw it opening night. And the next week. And I bought it the morning it was released.
deaddogseye81 (6:18:30 PM):	Just watched it for the first time. I nearly died laughing.
gatman818 (6:18:50 PM):	It's just so damned close to "Action."
gatman818 (6:19:01 PM):	I'm still working on that script.
gatman818 (6:19:27 PM):	robots v. aliens v. John McClaine and Jet Li.
gatman818 (6:19:36 PM):	That's the pitch.
deaddogseye81 (6:19:55 PM):	McClaine would win
gatman818 (6:20:03 PM):	I know.
gatman818 (6:20:13 PM):	I brought in Jet Li to help him with the aliens.
gatman818 (6:20:32 PM):	Extra terrestrials have a natural fear of martial arts.
deaddogseye81 (6:21:08 PM):	"Sure John. It's just going to be a normal traffic stop. No motherfucking aliens or robots. Nope."
gatman818 (6:21:35 PM):	I was just going to do aliens v. robots.
gatman818 (6:21:43 PM):	But then Transformers came out.
gatman818 (6:21:50 PM):	How ya gonna top Alien Robots?
gatman818 (6:22:05 PM):	Answer: John McClaine

6:07AM

Merry Christmas, ya'll!

6:39AM

It's dangerous to be that invested in another human being. 

You get so wrapped up in their problems you start to lose yourself.

I don't think that's what love is. 

I'm just now starting to get over the toll that had taken on me.

9:25AM

And then shit like this happens.  And after the first few minutes, the emotional ones, you can admit that it's your fault.  It's a crazy situation here, but I'm a grown man and I should know better by now. 

And somewhere, I think that's what being a grown up is.  Not when you quit making silly mistakes like moving in with a girl who you don't really love and letting yourself get broken up with without a place to go and then sleeping on her couch until you find a place.  I think people of all ages make those mistakes.  Maybe time and time again.  I think being a grown up is when you can say, "Yep, my fault. Better learn from this one."

And I have learned. 

Some things I'm too young to have decided are:

I don't want kids. I'm far too selfish.

In the same vein, I don't want to be married ever.  This isn't just the break up talking. It's also my atheism (Really?  She was going to be the last girl I ever fucked?) and genetics.  My brother and father each have a pair of failed marriages, and I just don't want that.  I can't imagine break-ups on that large of a scale.

I will never sacrifice anything ever again for a woman.  (see: selfish)  I put off my life because she and I had plans together, and now I'm scrambling to get it all back together.  The plans were the same, but with her, it would have taken me so much longer to get there.  It didn't feel much like a sacrifice, but it so totally was. 

Yep, my fault. Better learn from this one.

And that's when I knew I was a man.

11:02PM

I'm not even broken up about the break up.  I'm just trapped.

It's not the clean break I'm used to.  She spoke up too late.  Way too late to save the relationship, but also too late to keep me from this crisis.  This...where will I go?  what will I do? nonsense running through my brain.  Oddly enough, one of her biggest complaints was that I didn't really have any direction in my life.  I was waiting for her.  She forced my hand and now I'm pushing to get into school here, next year, rather than there two years from now. 

Going to watch Die Hard now.

9:43PM - Some thoughts.

1.  Gay marriage is a non-issue.  Let's go around the back on this one...  True separation of church and State means that the church, and only the church, issues marriage certificates.  The only place marriage is defined is in the Bible and various religious books.  And honestly, the marriage defined by the Bible is retarded, archaic, and for people who need to be told what their role on the planet is.  (By this definition, one man and one woman is necessary.  If you had two people of the same sex or gender, how would you know whom to beat and subdue physically and verbally.)  If you want real separation, the State can only be permitted to dole out civil unions that give to the two (genderless) people tax incentives and power of attorney in return on an agreement to be decent to each other for an unspecified amount of time.  Let the church discriminate against whomever they want and the rest of us can snicker about how ironic it all is every time we see a crucifix.

2. No one is for abortion and then against abortion.  No one is for abortion.  No one is against abortion.  Some people would just rather live their lives and not meddle with other people who they have never met's lives.  Some would rather not. 

3. The repeal of the 16th Amendment is not crazy.  The institution of the income tax marks the end of the American Republic and the beginning of the American Democracy.  Democracy is mob rule.  The problem with mobs is that they tend to only exist in the now and are incapable of reflecting on the past or contemplating the future.  Knee-jerk reactionism.  Democracy is what created welfare which leads to the welfare state.  Helping the poor is the responsibility of altruists, churches, and charities.  And think about how much you could give if the government weren't taking a third of your income.  Think about how you could give that money to organizations with missions you agreed with and would like to encourage.  How much better at spending your money would you be than the government?  I believe exponentially.  

1:45PM

Personally, I don't want someone running the country that thinks that if I die, I'm better off.  Thanks for bringing up your faith in God, everybody running for President.  

I'm not voting.

11:36PM - If I told you I liked you for more than your vagina, would that be thinking outside the box?

So, the big thing at work is that I have an abnormally large percentage of my stock tied up in items that are discontinued/devalued.  The company arbitrarily drops the prices on these things from time to time, and if you still have them, you lose more money, etc. etc.

District: You understand how these things cost your store money, right?
Me: Yeah, the people the bought them in the first place and sent them to my store decided they're a bad idea and that it was a bad idea to charge so much and so I need to sell them before they arbitrarily drop the price again, because eventually the price will drop below cost and then I'll be screwed out profit dollars.
District: So, you can see why it's important to sell through these SKUs, right?
Me: That, or the company could quit buying shit. Or price it more reasonably to begin with. Or stop dropping the price.
District: Well, they're not going to do that.
Me: Why would they?

So, that's how it works. Well, my store's inventory is at about 31% disco/deval.  I've set up displays. I've mentioned the "great deals" to many and many a customer. My new plan? Stock more active items.

I've been ordering the max amount every week of several dozen items that are pretty much never, ever going to go discontinued.  I figure since the percent of disco/deval is inversely proportional to the amount of regular, active merch that eventually my store will be so saturated with active merch that my d/d  percentage will be more acceptable without any actual change in the dollar amount of this stuff.

Told my old manager about it, he told me it sounded like the best damn case of "thinking outside the box" he'd ever heard of.

Now I just have to find a way to make 30 % APR sound like a good thing and I'll be the golden child.

8:54PM

I will always be alone.  Now I just have to learn to understand that, to make it a more bearable life.

Edit: The only reason I don't delete this miserable post is Peter's comment.  I deserved that.

Edit: (7/`3/07) I am no longer alone. Haven't been for a good month and three days now.

Edit: (1/17/08) Alone again. Don't give a shit one way or the other.  Came to a new understanding.